When Mother’s Day Is Hard

A cherished moment with my mom.

If my mother were a character in a cozy mystery, she would have been one of those charmingly eccentric townspeople.

In fact, Mom was so eccentric that my husband and I were married three years before I dared to bring him home to meet her.

Yeah, you read that right.

Three years.

And when they finally met, my sweet man proved himself to be the prize I’d always thought. He asked genuine questions and nodded politely as Mom prattled on about whatever popped into her head: a case from TV’s Rockford Files; her latest disagreement with a neighbor; a UFO abduction she’d read about in the National Enquirer; a hula‑girl lamp she’d picked up at a yard sale that didn’t work. While my private‑eye husband couldn’t help Jim Rockford with his case or track down the UFO abductee, he did offer to fix the lamp.

I think Mom was a little disappointed.

 

A Day to Celebrate or Survive?

As you might imagine, my mom’s eccentricities made Mother’s Day … complicated. When she died in 2012, the holiday became immensely more difficult. I not only grieved her death but also the loss of the kind of mother‑daughter relationship I’d always longed for — you know, the totally unrealistic one I imagined other women have with their moms.

Yes, I know Mother’s Day is hard for a lot of women and for many different reasons. If you’re one of those who struggle with this holiday, I want to gently remind you that your feelings are valid. You can acknowledge your feelings without justifying them or feeling guilty for having them. You also don’t have to pretend that everything is fine. Just fine.

 

God Sees Our Whole Story

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Genesis 16:13, the one where Hagar, pregnant, alone, and overwhelmed, encounters God in the wilderness. She calls Him El Roi, “the God who sees me.”

Every time I read that passage, her words send a shiver down my spine.

God sees me. He sees all of us — our quiet stories of struggle and sorrow, our complicated stories of longing and disappointment. He sees all the stories that don’t make it into those heart‑tugging Publix commercials. And God doesn’t require you to feel a certain way about your mother‑story, either, He simply meets you where you are. So let the day be what it is. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 

10 Tips to Navigate the Day

Our stories are different, so the way we move through Mother’s Day will be different too. Below I offer a few ways you might commemorate the day, whether you want to celebrate or simply need to survive. Choose what fits; leave what doesn’t.

 

If You Want to Celebrate (Even Quietly)

• Choose one small ritual that feels meaningful: a walk, a favorite meal, a moment of gratitude.

• Reach out to a woman who has mothered you in faith or friendship.

• Write a short prayer or blessing for the women who shaped you.

• Let others honor you without apologizing or minimizing.

• Spend some time remembering the good moments, no matter how insignificant or few.

 

If You Need to Simply Survive

• Step away from social media for the day.

• Set boundaries around gatherings that feel too heavy.

• Make a “soft plan” to enjoy something comforting and restful. Be kind to yourself.

• Light a candle for someone you miss or for a hope you’re still holding.

• Ask one trusted person to check in, or to give you space.

One More Thought About Mothering

In my life, the kind of mothering I longed for happened most often through the older women of my church. I think specifically of two women: Dodie, during my high‑school years, and Francis, during my young adulthood.

Both of these women saw me among the crush of faces in the congregation. They perceived my need for a mother’s love and poured it out generously. I’m so grateful to both of them for giving what my own mother was unable to give me — herself.

Think about it. Some of the most powerful mothering in the world happens quietly, in classrooms, in church hallways, in friendships, in mentoring conversations, in the way you show up for someone who needs steady love. Friends, if you nurture, encourage, guide, comfort, or create space for others to grow, you are offering a mother’s gift. And it matters.

 

A Blessing for You

Wherever you find yourself this Mother’s Day — joyful, grieving, exhausted, hopeful, numb, grateful, or somewhere in between — may you feel the nearness of the God who sees. May He meet you in the tender places of your heart. May He hold what feels too heavy. May He honor the love you’ve given, the love you’ve lost, and even the longing for love you never had. May He breathe peace into your story, exactly as it is today.

My sweet friend, you are seen. You are loved. You are not walking through this day alone.